Kol Nidre 5767
Rabbi Asher Lopatin

G’mar chatima tova and a gut yontif and a gut yor
Friends, this is a difficult Yom Kippur for Jews in Israel and in America. It’s not the Yom Kippur of war which I remember from my second year in Israel as a child, but in 5767 our brothers and sisters in Israel are still reeling from a war in the north and from a war in the south, where Israel has to continue to fight in the Gaza strip. There is a lot to say about the success, and failure of operations. But the most painful part of the summer’s war was to me that in the beginning the government of Ehud Olmert had such a mandate, near unanimity, for the effort, and Olmert’s popularity stands at either 22% or 7% . I remember speaking to people who said they didn’t vote for Olmert, but at the beginning of the campaign in the north were so impressed with the way it was handled. In fact, even before this, we were suprised by a Sharon who had fully transformed himself from the radical fighter of the Sinai Campaign, 50 years ago, and the Yom Kippur war 33 years ago, to the champion of disengagement and peace. Whatever your political leanings, no one now can have any confidence in predicting policies of any leader of our beloved State.

For me, this was a personal year of losing faith in some of the great leaders that I had always turned to for advice, support and wisdom.

It started a year ago, sitting in the internet café on the top floor of the new Central Bus Station in JerusalemI was writing to the editor of the New York Jewish Week, Gary Rosenblatt, about an article I was thinking of doing, and of course I Googled him to find his e-mail address. Google brought up something totally unexpected: Mr. Rosenblatt had written a piece about a New Age rabbi, will call him Rabbi MG, with Orthodox s’micha, who had been accused, and had admitted to, having had sexual relations with an under-aged woman over two decades ago, and had continued to be dogged by accusations. The editor had questioned whether an old crime, at least twenty years old, should be forgotten, and forgiven, or whether its perpetrator should be permanently shunned by the Jewish community. It was a thoughtful piece, and I had long heard these accusations in Yeshiva University circles, against this charismatic rabbi now living in Israel who had successful book, a TV series, in Israel and on PBS. So by being open about it, Gary Rosenblatt was my new hero.

But then, reading further, I read a letter signed by three giants of my world which went on the offensive against Gary Rosenblatt excoriating him for even bringing up these old accusations against a rabbi who clearly did not fit into the neat world of Yeshiva University or Teaneck. These rabbis included an intellectual mentor of mine and my parents, a spiritual mentor of mine whom I had learned with at the Hartman Institute, and a rabbi whose books Rachel, I and most of us have in our libraries. Doesn’t Gary Rosenblatt believe in T’shuva? Doesn’t he know the dangers of lashon hara? And in a later letter, another popular author called this kind of accusation “name abuse” – going after someone just because he or she is famous, and abusing their reputation. They all wrote that they had investigated the accusations and there was nothing to them. And, indeed, there were at least half a dozen rabbis that I respect, who over the years had defended Rabbi MG and belittled his accusers, his victims, who were his students, his protégés, and his confidants, who claimed he took sexual advantage of them. All this poured through the internet at the Glatt Kosher mehadrin Café on the top floor of the Central Bus Station in the holy City of Yerushalayim.

My heroes from the intellectual depths of modern Orthodoxy to the loftiest heights of the Sfas Emes, to the heroes and defenders of popular religious Judasim, all backed this man.

But far from Yerushalayim, Google and links took me away from the rabbis of my youth and adolescence, rabbis I have so admired, and into Vicki Polin’s Awareness Center. The Awareness Center is an important Website which seeks to expose all accusations of sexual abuse and impropriety in the Jewish world. It’s really one of the most depressing web sites because it features several rabbis whom I have admired and have consulted with for important questions – who have been exposed for terrible abuses of their position of power and influence. Rabbi MG featured prominently on this web site, which had chapters and chapters written about his life, his multiple moves and name changes, and about recent accusations of sexual improprieties and abuses. In fact the Awareness Center took us for a tour of Rabbi MG’s life from New York, to Boca Raton, to Israel, England and then back to Israel. Didn’t the rabbis I respected read this Web Site? Didn’t they see the evidence, the name changes, the moves, all those survivors of abuse who were desperately asking to be heard? And so I began to question these heroes that I had, whose advice I used to seek, whom I looked to as a guide to help me lead my life.

But Vicki Polin and the Awareness Center have had their own problems and peculiarities. There is even the accusation that Vicki Polin is the “Rachel” of an infamous Oprah episode where “Rachel” accuses her middle class Jewish parents of being Satanic worshippers and killing babies on a semi-regular basis in the suburbs somewhere, over a sefer Torah, to offer them as a sacrifice to the Devil.

But my own reasoning made me believe Vicki Polin’s side more: Rabbi MG was already on three marriages, which is fine, mazel tov to him, but his third one was a long distance one, and new model of marriage being separated for half the year at least; he always included lots of sexual talk in Torah, but explained it as passionate Torah. Different jobs, different names, different smichas – all this didn’t make sense. And then the evidence from the time he spent in Oxford: I knew some of the accusations on Vicki Polin’s website rang true and sounded right from my own personal knowledge of Oxford.

And as I pulled myself out of a near hypnotic state, at the Central Bus Station internet café, I feared the worst: I did fear Rabbi MG. In fact, a half a year ago, when I turned down a request he made to speak at our shul, I was afraid of fallout, and I received several e-mails from Rabbi MG and his organizers challenging me. But in the end Rabbi MG’s shady life was exposed: Several months ago, several women filed a sexual complaint with the police in Haifa, and everything came falling down around Rabbi MG. Having been called in by the police for questioning, he fled to the United States, and his board, which had strenuously defended him against numerous accusers, fired him and folded his institution Bayit Chadash, the New House. Rabbi MB admitted he had erred, that he was sick, and that he would seek some kind of “treatment” – in America. But my slight fear of this out-of-control rabbi shifted to a much more serious fear of losing my heroes. What my heroes were thinking when they defended him and went on the offensive against anyone asking any questions? How could they have erred so egregiously: It was so clear to many of us that this Rabbi MG was a troubled character. Maybe they didn't ask themselves enough questions. Maybe they emphasized the wrong set of halachot: emphasizing laws of not embarrassing someone rather than the laws of protecting people from harm; the laws of protecting a name rather than protecting people’s most personal possession – their own body.

But whatever the reasons for their mistake, I was left bereft of the mentors I wanted, mentors I had relied on. And I recalled King David’s Pasuk: Arur hagever asher yivtach ba’adam: Cursed is the person who relies on – trusts in - human beings. King David had also seen his mentors, Shaul, Yoav and Achitofel, let him down. It’s scary, finding out your guides don’t work anymore, you can’t lean on the human pillars, and human beacons do not light the way.

I remember the words of Rav Ahron Soloveichik, zt”l,who was another mentor of mine, and a charismatic figure as well, who always spoke against hero worship. He felt it was avak avodah zarah - the dust of idolatry. He felt that both Chasidim and Mitnagdim were guilty of this, and I remember him describing himself leaving the hero of his youth - R. Yitchak Hutner - because he needed to be his own person.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I think from the afternoon at the internet café through the revelations of Rabbi MG, I had learnt a new side of of Kol Nidre and Yom Kippur

It is the Yom Kippur, of ending our reliance, our dependency on anything else but our relationship with God. Yes, we are like angels, who are only there for one purpose: to fulfill God’s wishes.

No reliance on comforts: food, shoes, water, make-up, cleanliness, even our beloved spouses– we separate from them on Yom Kippur. That is why, according to Rav Soloveitchik, the mechitza – the separation of the men and women - comes specifically to break up families, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, because God needs us to be on our own in our prayers, not dependent on anyone else.

And we start Yom Kippur with Kol Nidrei – where we are like the politician breaking all previous vows and promises. Because we understand that that is the reality of relying on human beings – sometimes they will come through and sometimes not. Of course those who really love us will be there for us through thick and thin, but we have far higher hopes for others around us than is usually possible for them to live up to.
We spend the day building up our religious foundation, and our self confidence in Judaism, not based on other people, or other things, or even institutions, but based on ourselves: The great mitzvah of the day is T’anu et nafshoteichem – ve’initem et nafshoteichem – from the verb la’anot – to answer. Answer yourself first: Are you behaving in a way that YOU are proud of? Do you think Hashem is looking at YOU and is proud? God asks the Jewish people: Are YOU developing your own personal connection to Hashem?
We all become the high priest, who first had to work out his business with himself before he could meet the spiritual needs of the people.
Yes, tonight we will be together when we will recite God attributes of mercy – Hashem, Hashem, Kel Rachum Vechanun - but we need to imagine that each one of us who raises his or her voice – and I hope we do raise our voices – each one of us is alone on Mt. Sinai, alone before God. We get to say “Baruch Shem k’vod malchuto” out loud because we are Moshe going up to the mountain, meeting the angels ourselves, personally, angels who teach each of us: Baruch Shem…
We have to be the ones who study our texts, our Torah, and not just leave them to others to digest and give to us. Hashem has a personal message for us, in every pasuk and every halacha, every siman of the Shulchan Aruch, the code of law has a personal message for us, and we have to find out what that message is. We have to seek answers. We don't dictate the message - this is not a day of telling ourselves what we want, but a day which needs to inspire us to find the answers. And we may need to ask rabbis and teachers along the way for help, and I certainly will continue to ask rabbis and teachers for help - but at the end of the day it is we who make the decision. It is we whho have to answer for ourselves: T’anu et nafshoteichem.

Normally at the Yom Kippur Appeal I ask people to look around, and to gain inspiration from the people they find around them. And there are those people indeed this year.

But this year I don’t want to ask you to look around. I want to ask you to look inside yourselves. On this Yom Kippurim we have to start the process of becoming comfortable with who we are, and who we need to be. “Zusha, why weren’t you as good as Zusha was supposed to be?” the old tale goes. On Yom Kippur we ask the hardest question: Are you happy with yourself? And if the answer is “but of course”, maybe we have to ask it of ourselves a few more times.
So we start tonight imagining ourselves as Moshe on the Mountain – alone with God; it all rests on us. But at the end of Yom Kippur, at Neila, once we have established our own responsibility, our own unique relationship to God, without worshipping heroes, or people we over-depend on, then we can look around and sing as one people, Hashem Hashem merciful and generous… each person giving to the other, each person taking from the other. In 25 hours we will God willing stand as all of Israel stood at Mt. Carmel and say: Hashem who Ha’elokim – Hashem is God! Hashem who ha’elokim. But we can only say that together, as one voice, when we have spoken to God individually: When we have established – when we have answered - who we are standing before God, then we can look around and join others and even lean on others to praise God.
Everything rests on each one of us. There are no heroes who can pick up the slack and move our people, our shul, or the State of Israel or the Jews of America where they need to go, without us.. We have to answer the demands of Yom Kippur, and we have to be the ones that at the end of this awesome day find the answer within us to say: Yes, I am here God. I don’t know if anyone else is, and I don’t know if any other person or institution is going to help me, by here I am. I have looked into myself, and I am here. Hineini.

With God’s blessings may we all be signed and sealed for a year of b’racha and hatzlacha, of great success and joy, a year when God gives us the ability to look within ourselves, and have confidence in ourselves that we can begin to understand the answer of What does God need from me? How can I do what God asks of me? There is no one, good, bad, charismatic or wise who can stop us from answering that question: T’anu et nafshoteichem: May God give us the strength to answer the questions we discover deep within each and everyone one of us. G’mar tov