RABBI'S D'VAR TORAH
The Passion of the Father
Parshat Vayetze
Rabbi Asher Lopatin

"When Ya'akov saw Rachel?he lifted the stone from the well?and he
kissed Rachel and lifted his voice and cried?" (Genesis 29:10-11)

"Rachel and Leah answered and said [to Ya'akov]: Do we have any share
left in our father's house? ? everything God said to you: Go for it!"
(Genesis 31:14,16)

Out of the depths of deception and fakery, of not being allowed or
willing to face his brother openly, of being forced to pretend he is
someone he loathes, our father Ya'akov escapes this week to the
unknown. Some parshiot begin with standard words, and their names
are taken from more distinctive words later in the parsha ? such as
Noah, Lech Lecha, Chayei Sarah. But other parshiot, such as ours,
start with the word that defines them. Veyetze ? he left, he
escaped, he ran! Ya'akov ran from a father who preferred his brother
the hunter ? or, the murderer; he ran from his mother who forced him
to lie to his father, to pretend to be Esav. He ran from a home that
was filled with "pachad Yitzchak" with the never-ending trauma that
Yitzchak had, and displayed, after nearly being sacrificed by his
father. He ran from a tumultuous relationship between his parents:
husband and wife who loved each other, and prayed for each other and
suffered together, on the one hand, but then manipulated each other
and used each other to change the course of Jewish history in the way
they saw fit. We become grateful for Esav's fury at being tricked,
because that was the only way Ya'akov could get away and break the
grip of a family that did not allow him to become Yisrael ? the
strong, honest fighter that he needed to be to survive in the world
with his dignity.

Ya'akov escapes from all this to ? what? To the deception of Lavan ?
famously substituting, covertly, Leah for Rachel ? and to Jacob's own
manipulation of sheep and goats in order to build a personal fortune,
by the end of the parsha. Along the way Ya'akov and his wives
continue to argue and to manipulate each other in ways not so
different from his parents. Has anything really changed? Has
Ya'akov found a world that transformed him? Has the first family of
Judaism evolved in any way in the twenty years in Aram Naharayim,
away from Yitzchak, Rivka and Esav?

To find out, we have to go back to that incredible, passionate kiss.
Our great commentator Rashi tells us that Yaakov was thinking of
nothing but living forever with Rachel. And that led to his crying:
he saw in a divine vision that they would not die together, nor would
they be buried together. He also knew that their life together would
be a struggle: he had no money or property with him, no clout; every
step of the way in their life would be a challenge. In fact, the
Talmud envisions a conversation between Ya'akov and Rachel in which
Rachel explains how she is not the oldest, and that it will be
difficult for them to get married before Leah gets married. Verse 16
says as much: "Lavan had two daughters: the oldest was named Leah,
and the youngest was named Rachel." As opposed to Rivka, who was the
logical and perfect choice for Yitzchak (as we saw two parshiot ago
when she was chosen) Rachel is not the logical wife for Ya'akov. In
fact, the "soft eyes" of Leah imply the kindness of Ya'akov's mother,
Rivka, who gave water to Abraham's servant and his camels.

Leah might have been objectively the right one for him. But Ya'akov
chooses the beauty and character of Rachel ? she appeared beautiful
to him. When Yitzchak first met Rivka, he was comforted for the loss
of his mother, Sarah, because Rivka had the same characteristics.
Ya'akov breaks the precedent. He falls in love with Rachel for
subjective, irrational reasons, not for the pragmatic good of his
family.

And that is the meaning of that kiss and that cry. It won't be easy
being married to Rachel; it won't be easy fighting all the forces
rallied against their relationship ? even God holds back for a long
time from giving Rachel children. Ya'akov thinks he can easily
challenge Lavan's conniving, but he is in for a surprise. There will
be a lot of tears because of Ya'akov's decision, but what is
important is that Ya'akov has discovered the ability to act with
passion and directness. He falls in love directly with Rachel ? not
her family or her characteristics. He is not thinking of his mother
or grandmother or his father or brother. That kiss turns Ya'akov
into a courageous hero, a model for connecting with people not for
any ulterior motive but simply out of irrational love. And that is
why Ya'akov is able to win over the loyalty of his wives. For all
the trouble being married to Rachel caused ? four wives instead of
one ? our matriarchs determine that their vision is one with
Ya'akov's: listen to what God tells you. With all the careful
calculations that went into pairing Yitzchak with Rivka, they were
never able to share a vision together: Yitzchak wanted Esav to get
the blessing, but Rivka wanted the blessing for Ya'akov. It was the
passion of Ya'akov, the love that he was able to direct at a person,
not a concept or a trait, that gave him the loyalty of his wives.

As we face a world where being true to our traditions and people is
not always convenient, and has not always made sense through the
generations, let us remember the blind passion in that kiss of
Ya'akov. Yes, being passionate about our Jewishness has led to so
many tears; being loyal to the State of Israel and the Jewish people
has led to thousands of tears on the battlefield, in the cafes, in
buses and in the shuk. Being courageous means that we might not all
live forever, and not even be able to see the fruits of our labors.
But we need to be Jews because we love ourselves, and we need to find
the passion in our prayers, in our actions, in our visits to Israel
or to shul or to a pro-Israel rally. Ya'akov leaves the artificial
safety of a home where everything is planned and thought out, where
the grass is always trimmed and Mom and Dad always say the right
thing. But he needs to leave that home to find the passion to be
true to himself, and to discover how to open up and cry and love.

May we, too, find the courage of "Vayetze", to wake up every day to a
new world where we find the passion to kiss those we love, and even
in our tears to realize the deep love we have for being the Jews we
know we can be.

Shabbat shalom,

Rabbi Asher Lopatin